


how wars are like dodgeball

by bluesandbirds



Series: threads [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Dream Smp, Family Crynamics, Family Dynamics, Gen, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Tommyinnit needs a hug, but sad, l'manburg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27764062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesandbirds/pseuds/bluesandbirds
Summary: in which tommyinnit is nobody's first choice.
Series: threads [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034271
Comments: 214
Kudos: 2006
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	how wars are like dodgeball

TommyInnit is nobody's first choice.

It's not something he can blame people for, after all why would you pick Tommy when _Tubbo_ is so much more agreeable and _Technoblade_ is so much more skilled and _Dream_ is so much more intelligent?

Why would you pick the loudmouthed, war-mongering, gremlin child when there are kinder, smarter, _better_ people out there?

Well, the answer is you just don't.

-

He isn't Wilbur's first choice.

Wilbur is dedicated to causes, not people.

L'Manburg owns his heart, the vision of an independent nation away from the tyranny of Dream, the idea of L'Manburg captured his very soul and set it aflame.

And, of course, the people in their country, each one who Wilbur prefers over Tommy.

Fundy, his son, the family he chose, not the one forced on him by Philza.

_"What would father think?"_

_"Well, he always sides by me."_

_"I want you to give Dream back his stuff."_

_"But, Will, we could get back the discs."_

_"We're not gonna get back the discs, Tommy."_

Then, Tubbo, and even Eret, who got all the praise Tommy falls over himself for.

_"Eret, you've done a great job for our nation, for our great nation, may I add? Much more than TommyInnit has done._ _Tubbo, you've also done a very good job."_

(When Tommy was the one wading waist deep in cold water to dig up gravel and sand. When he picked dandelions until his hands were stained yellow and numb. When he gave the country its name.)

_"I mean, that's very mature of you, Tubbo, that's very mature. Unfortunately, though, for you, Tubbo, Tommy isn't as mature."_

(When Wilbur had no qualms about sending immature Tommy to fight his war. To lead his army. To watch over his country. He's only a child when it's convenient, when it can be used to dismiss or belittle him, he is a soldier the rest of the time.)

He soaks it up, the scraps Wilbur throws him, the most offhand of remarks that keep him believing that—even if he isn't first—he's at least _a_ choice.

He internalizes these words, burns them into his mind as Wilbur talks about trinitrotoluene and buttons. 

Tommy pledges himself to Wilbur's cause, no matter how much he disagrees, because TommyInnit is loyal to people.

There's a moment in the button room where the choice is set up for Wilbur. Will it be the button or Tommy?

For the first time ever, it looks like Tommy's won.

(But the TNT stays armed and Wilbur's ambitions stay fixed. The choice was made a long time ago.)

-

He isn't Technoblade's first choice.

Techno's only loyalty is to anarchy and the people who aid him in that.

He talks about chaos and the abolition of government, and Tommy hears it all, but he brushes it over and _pretends_.

_"We're bonding, you know?"_

He's desperate, maybe, to be finally worth something to one of his heroes.

As the 16th gets closer and closer, it's harder to keep pretending, but he does because TommyInnit is nothing if not a good pretender.

The time comes and Technoblade does not pick his brother over his ideals.

He tells Tommy a story like it's old times. Like they're young again. Like it's Christmas in the Antarctic. With Phil and mugs of hot cocoa, and Wilbur and ugly knitted blankets, and a big pretentious book that Techno reads in his dark timbre.

He tells him to _die_ like cocoa and blankets and family mean nothing.

Tommy will take this one. He should have known that Wilbur comes before Tommy and anarchy comes before Wilbur, so Tommy is at the back of a line for which his turn will never come. 

-

He isn't Dream's first choice.

This one he isn't too broken up about, Dream hasn't always been Tommy's first choice either.

_"I am Team Techno."_

Dream's always fallen behind Tommy's brothers and Tommy's never held a candle to Sapnap and George.

Still, it stings because Tommy really thought they were getting somewhere.

_"This is the redemption arc, Tommy, you're my friend now!"_

_"I'd say that my interest is in myself and I have been given something that is more powerful to me than just friendship."_

_"Why would you not team with us?"_

Dream claims chaos as his cause, his own self-interest is his priority.

Tommy and his _bonding_ and his _friendship_ never stood a chance.

-

He's Wilbur's first choice for president.

(He's nobody else's, that is made glaringly obvious by the silence when Wilbur calls him up and then the scoffs at the mere idea of bowing to this loudmouthed, war-mongering, gremlin _child._ )

But it doesn't matter because he's Wilbur's first choice.

However, Tommy knows that as long as he's still fighting his personal wars, he'll never be the best choice, so he hands the presidency back to Wilbur, L'Manburg's original choice.

In turn, Wilbur gives it to Tubbo. The grandstand erupts into cheers—Tommy's being the loudest—and it's clear who everyone's true first choice is.

_"Nah, Wilbur said it himself, Tommy's never gonna be president."_

And then, as he stands in the midst of his crumbling nation, Tommy begins to see that he was Wilbur's first choice for something else entirely.

-

He isn't his father's first choice.

It's the aftermath of the battle. Dream and his goons left them once the song ended, so only the members of L'Manburg remain.

Tommy is attempting to hold a conversation with Phil, but the older man isn't exactly an engaged participant, only offering noises of affirmation and one word answers.

When he thinks Tommy isn't looking, his eyes flick around the area. His lips are pursed and brow furrowed. He's concerned but doing his best to hide it.

Tommy sighs internally and just stops talking.

His father doesn't notice.

Tommy knows who Phil's first priority is. His first son, though Wilbur was the oldest. His most precious, though Tommy was the youngest.

There's a burn up Tommy's left side, bright red and screaming, from where Technoblade shot a firework rocket at him. There's a scar on his cheek from where his brother punched him in the Pit.

"Techno's probably at his base," Tommy says, "There's a cobblestone bridge across the ocean that'll take you there."

Phil doesn't even think about it, Tommy can tell, because he's got a _thank you_ on his lips and he's moving away before he realizes, oh, this probably says something about his parenting.

"Tommy..." he starts, head slightly turned back.

Tommy shakes his head. "Don't worry about it, Big P, go check on The Blade. I get it."

He's spent the past two years without a dad and the first 12 before that without one. 

_"I raised me."_

So, Phil goes because Tommy isn't wrong about where his priorities lie, but not without the sinking feeling that he's failed his youngest son. (And, of course, the blood on his shirtsleeves that confirms he failed his eldest.)

-

He isn't Tubbo's first choice.

_"Why? I'm—I'm quite busy."_

Tommy's got a plan, like he always does, and an inventory of cobblestone and iron rails. All he needs is his right-hand man.

(Though, this sentiment is not shared.)

"I'm sorry, Tommy, I'm president now and L'Manburg needs me."

His fists curl and he speaks through his teeth.

"Right, no, I get it."

Tubbo leaves him at that, satisfied that Tommy has been dealt with so he can go back to his L'Manburg.

Tommy's being selfish. 

Tubbo's the president now. He's got bigger things to be doing than messing around with his best friend.

Tommy thinks about pocketed plans of running away. Of a cabin and the woods and three music discs.

He looks out at the reconstructed L'Manburg. (Wood like the L'Mantree that stood the test of time. Wood like the kindling that set it all aflame.)

It's beautiful, he'd choose it too. (He wishes he didn't already have escape routes in mind.)

-

He is, however, their first choice for traitor.

Tommy comes across the sign a few days after the war.

_Public Enemy Number One._

He stares at it for a long, long time.

_"Everyone who's claiming to be on our side, they're lying to us! Tubbo? He's lying to you, man! He would drop us at the second he realizes we're not in the lead anymore."_

_"No. No! Stop it!"_

_"Hey, Tubbo, are you a traitor?"_

_"No, why?"_

_"Okay, it's not Tubbo."_

There's a voice in his head that says, _finally_ _first, isn't this what you wanted?_

He asks Tubbo about it and gets an answer that isn't really an answer.

He tries not to take it personally, tries to move on with his plan of the day, but the voice is still there, nagging at the back of his mind.

It sounds a bit like Wilbur.

-

(Tommy has never been his own first choice either.

Tommy goes to war for L'Manburg.

He's willing to die for it too.

 _"Tommy, your life is worth more than the revolution,"_ a man whose actions point towards the contrary says.

He doesn't believe it. Tommy doesn't either.

_"That is very selfless of you. Those are your discs."_

_"For L'Manburg, you know? For Wilbur. For Tubbo."_

He makes a sacrifice for his friends.

_"As much as this is everything and this is what—this is what would have been everything, I've still got unfinished business."_

He turns down the presidency, puts his own ambitions aside, for the good of L'Manburg.

_"You love it, don't you Tommy? You love L'Manburg?"_

_"Yes."_

He loves it more than he loves himself.

He's given everything for this country. His life is just one thing more.

But he is not L'Manburg's choice.

L'Manburg does not love him back.)

**Author's Note:**

> this is probably not as focused as my other character study type stuff, i got very angsty about character tommy while writing it and just went wild.
> 
> basically, i've written multiple ways this goes so you can pick the one you prefer, they're all based off this fic and that's what the rest of the series is

**Works inspired by this one:**

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  * ["My name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27796105) by [TheAwkwardOneOut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAwkwardOneOut/pseuds/TheAwkwardOneOut)




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